Less than 2 Hours and Counting...

and then HELLO 2013!

May I just say that I am very happy the world didn't end?

What I want to do now is make a Top 12 Lessons of 2012 list. I'm currently drinking in preparation of the New Year's ball drop, so please excuse me if I occasionally don't make any sense at all. 

Now... here we go.

1) Finally growing up.

2012 was the year I finally started getting my act as an adult together. Up until then I was still desperately trying to hang onto my youth. Now, I'm getting ready to make a huge move (fingers crossed!) and I have learned that it is not a bad thing to put yourself first sometimes. In fact, I'll be doing that quite often soon enough considering I'll be on my own for the first time in 24 years. 

Fucking hell.

...I'm excited.

2) I don't have to be anything.

I'm no longer going to try to put myself into a box, so that I can feel that I belong to something by having a particular label attached to me. Instead, I'll analyze things when I need to and accept the things that have not changed, will not change, are never going to change, because I finally understand that that is all you can do. 

3) Felt damn useful.

As compared to the past few years where I have felt very dependent on others. Now, there are people who have learned to depend on me for things. And it feels damn good to be needed. 

4) Learned to control my temper/anger

For most of my life I have had ZERO temper. I wouldn't ever get mad about anything, just sad. Then within the past few years I somehow found my voice and learned to shout back when someone was unfair to me. However, the cost of this was that I now discovered how angry I could become.

And I hate being angry. 

It is the ugliest, blackest, cruelest feeling in the world and I really don't like what I say out of anger.

So, now I am learning from my younger self and am beginning to reign in some of that temper. I will still get mad when I feel I am in the right, but when people try to bait me I will ignore it. 

Sometimes it's nice to feel above things, you know?

5) I don't need no stinking romance!

I think this is the first year I didn't feel like I needed to date someone. If I did happen to go on a date, it was fine, but I didn't need to. 

Is this independence or early prep for a long life filled with cats???

6) I am in control.

2012 was also the year I discovered The Secret and holy shit has that changed SO much.

7) Personality > solitude

I definitely embraced the fact that my personality is a little bit weird and quirky, but that is a good thing. I no longer feel worried about saying the wrong thing around people. Instead, I feel completely at ease having conversations with people I don't know very well.

8) Life will always give what you need it to.

I lost a lot in 2011. 2012 gave back all that it could. Some things are irreplaceable, but that just makes you more grateful you had it, even if for only a little while.

9) Family is forever.

Okay, so I've always known this, but this year it really hit home when something very traumatic happened and it was family that reached out on an ASTOUNDING level. We are now much closer than we've been in years. And it feels good.

10) THERE IS KINDNESS IN THIS WORLD!

I totally gave up on this one, but then when that traumatic thing happened, it wasn't just family that reached out. I am extremely blessed for all the people that have graced my life in 2012. I hope to know them for many more years.

11) Letting go of the past.

This is still a minor work in progress. I've mostly let go of the big stuff, things that were clouding my mind and my feelings about certain things/people. I've learned that forgiveness feels good because it helps you move on.

And as for the things I'm still holding onto? 

I'll let go of those, too, over time.

12) How to bounce back.

Are you gonna lay down every time someone pushes you over, are or you gonna brace yourself and push back?

I've learned how to fight and how to go down fighting if there's now way else but to fall. This has been the most important lesson, because every single year of my life before this one I have played the victim. And now, I am the fighter. 

And fucking hell it feels good.



I hope 2012 has been as incredible for everyone as it has been for me. And I know 2013 will be So. Much. Better!!!

Bye sweets. <3

In Another Life We Were Superheroes

Had a fun conversation the other day with someone I feel will always be a part of my life. We played a questions game and because I clear out my texts every couple of weeks, I wanted a place to save it. 

Warning: Some of these questions (and answers) are incredibly random.

(This conversation started at 2:23 in the morning, so sleep deprivation may have played a role in some of our answers/questions.)

Me: Favorite Beatle?
K: Lennon or Harrison. You?
Me: Ringoooo. Okay really it’s Lennon, but Ringo had the best name. Song you want played at your funeral.
K: Spirit in the sky and here comes the sun. You? Biggest turn off?
Me: Hmm it’s a tie between dishonesty and narcissism. Aaand my funeral song would be… Send me on my way and What A Wonderful World/Somewhere Over The Rainbow by  that Hawaiian guy.
Me: Your biggest turn off?
K: Ignorance and egocentricism
Me: Is there something you want to change about yourself OR is there a part of yourself you feel you’ve left behind and want to regain?
K: I’d like to regain my athleticism and I wish I would’ve stuck with piano. You?
Me: I want to be as accepting and forgiving as I was eleven years ago. I just remember being so much more optimistic and kind. And now I’m very guarded and wary of others.
K: Yeah, I feel ya. I feel like I’ve become more cynical with age.
Me: It’s probably just normal to feel like that… Like a growing up thing. But it sucks how jaded a person can get over time.
K: Biggest stereotype you feel you fulfill.
Me: The whole ‘women are bad drivers’ thing, though in my case I suck at parking. Lol I’m just not patient enough to straighten out the car when it’s crooked and FUCK parallel parking, man.
Me: Your stereotype?
K: Lol I fill that one as well. I guess my career path is somewhat stereotypical being a woman and going into nursing. I guess at times I can find myself filling the stereotype of being a snobby and or unassertive white girl.
Me: Is there anyone you wish were still part of your life OR a relationship/friendship you feel you gave up on too soon?
Me: Snobby? You? I don’t see it.
K: Well, you obviously, like in that we got to see each other. But otherwise I think that I have kept the people in my life that I wanted to. Some I wish I had never bothered with like *censored*.
K: Yeah, I don’t know. I’m a little spoiled and find myself thinking snobby things.
K: Best sex of your life so far?
*both answers censored LOL*
K: Saddest song and happiest song
K: It’s a hard one, but I’m thinking one of the more heartbreaking ones for me is Either Way by Guster and the most fun for me is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.
(and then I fell asleep on her LOL. It was nearly 4 in the morning, though, fucking hell. I did answer the question the next day.)
Me: Saddest song: Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross. Happiest song is a tie: Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog by CCR and Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.
*skips all the weird/too personal questions*
Me: Materialistic thing you couldn’t live without.
K: Ugh. It’s cliché but my cell. 
Me: For me it’s perfume. I have waaay more bottles of perfume and body sprays than is needed. 
Me: If your life could become a movie, which would it be and why? 
K: Dazed and Confused because I’m a stoner and like to party. It’d be awesome to live in that movie because it’s set in the 60s and the soundtrack is dank and there are a few actors I’d definitely do. (LOL!) You?
Me: The movie I’d pick is Almost Famous, cause I’d get to do what I love (writing) in the muthafricken 70s and listen to good music while driving around in a tour bus… Oh and meet Ziggy Stardust. Good stuff.


I love when we play the questions game. And I’m sorry if this might’ve dragged on a bit or was boring. But I haven’t had a good conversation with her in a long time and it was nice to know that our connection is still there. <33333

Bye sweets.<3

Post Script

Almost forgot!

Woke up to this this morning:

Caption read: What you could be waking up to.

Usually I get annoyed when strangers accidentally text me.

Today, I didn't mind.

Bye sweets. <3

Lola, the Pseudo-intellectual

This is about as philosophical as I get.

Back when I was torn between getting a new digital camera or holding off and using the money for a smartphone, I started thinking about how crazy fast phones have started gaining ground on electronics we once looked at as staples in our lives.

For example, I know so many people who have moved out on their own months ago and still don’t have a TV. 

Why? 

Because they have a laptop. 

Thanks to Hulu, Netflix, Amazon and Youtube (as well as lots of other sites) if you have a laptop and internet YOU DON’T NEED A TV!

I remember when I was younger and I couldn't imagine life without my morning cartoons or 90’s Nick/Disney. Now, I barely bother to watch TV, cause I know if I miss something I can always watch it later online. Usually with fewer/no commercials. 

Computer makers probably thought: “Hell yes, we’re unstoppable!”

…Until the smartphone came along all “Bring it, bitches.” Which led to a major Fucking Hell moment for the computer makers.

Thanks to smartphones you don’t even need laptops as much anymore, cause now you can do so much on just your phone. Also… Ipad, Kindle Fire, AND  Windows Surface… Yea… suck on that laptops.

Electronic companies (except maybe Apple) must feel so stressed having to constantly watch out for not only their competitors who produce the same products, but also different products altogether that can do what their product can, except they have better features, are more compact (which makes them easier to take around) and usually have more visual appeal. TV companies must be shitting bricks.

After having nothing else to do one night but ponder this, I came to the conclusion that it’s only a matter of time before something we once considered to be a staple becomes obsolete. The big three are TVs,  laptops and smartphones. 

I asked myself, out of the big three, which will become obsolete first?

Prior to writing this I was completely stumped, but now I feel it will most likely be the TV. 

You can’t carry it around (unless you have one of those old-fashioned ones with the handle on top), you have to pay a lot for one with good video quality and all the new bangs & whistles AND for a cable/satellite provider which can be stressful depending on who you pick, and there are just too many products that can do everything the TV can.

(When I wrote this, my sister who moved out recently only had her laptop and used that for watching her favorite shows. When I went back the other day, she had gotten a TV along with a living room set. I asked, “Why the expensive TV when your laptop was just fine?” She said, “First of all the TV is from rent-a-center, so it’s not actually expensive and second of all, it makes the living room look complete.” LOL So, I guess TVs could get a second wind simply because they look good in a home?)

I don’t think it’s gonna happen any time soon. Possibly over the next 50 years or so.

That is, unless the TV companies come up with something really kick ass, like hologram TV shows that let the viewer become part of their favorite show.

That would be pretty damn cool, huh?

Bye sweets. <3

P.S. Just realized this marks the last of the blogs I had saved on my computer. Now I have to actually put in work... fucking hell.

UGHHHH!

I hate having to call any government anything, because rather than settling my issue promptly, I get to spend twenty minutes dealing with an INCOMPETENT MACHINE!

*beats head on wall*

Fucking hell.

Never did I think I'd miss the day of hearing an actual person answer the phone. 

Honestly, of all the things we gave up in favor of smart technology, human beings answering phones should not have been one of them.

Bye sweets. <3

Merry Christmas!!!!

Happy day today, even though I found out that all the font editing I did for this blog DOESN'T SHOW UP ON ANYONE'S COMPUTER BUT MINE!

-_-

Oh well. I'm tipsy. Nearly drunk, but not quite there yet. I think this should be my new Xmas tradition.

Also, had some really great gifts as well. Got make-up, perfume and CASH! Pretty sweet haul, right?

I was worried how this day would turn out, though, cause I didn't have the best night. I woke up early, very startled and frightened after a terrifying dream where I was bitten... by a raccoon. :|

Fucking hell.

ANYWAY... Merry Christmas to all.

And to all a GOOD NIGHT!

Bye sweets. <3

It's embarrassing how many mistakes I made (then corrected) while typing this. Maybe I'm a little more drunk than I thought....

I have finally made an important life decision!!!

And it only took me 24 years.

I have decided that... I will buy a new smart phone!!!

The phone supposedly takes good pictures anyway, so I'll put off buying a digital camera for a little while.

ANYWAY...

The phone I've decided to get is from Metro PCS (cause this cute girl is cheap) and it is.... *cue drumroll*

..........................


.................


............


....

The LG Motion 4G!

 (pic is obviously stolen from the web)

Not only is it really friggin cute, but it's pretty fast and will make blogging on the go a reality for me!!

It also takes HD video as well as decent photos, so I may even add videos on here... who knows?

Also, I found it for a pretty great price, so unlike other more souped-up smart phones, it's not gonna cost me an arm and a leg, which was REALLY important.

I will most likely be getting it at the beginning of next month *crosses fingers*, so I will update then with info about my own experiences with the phone.

I'm reeeeaaaaaallllllyyyyyy excited!!!! *understatement*

Finally, I will feel a bit more technologically advanced. Hell yea!

I just hope my pudgy fingers don't make this phone difficult to use. :x Fucking hell.

Cute Girls and Kids

Is it wrong to charge your friends/siblings to baby sit their kids?

Okay, so the answer is probably, “Uhhh…. YES!” which makes me a terrible human being.

BUT…

I have zero patience for kids of a certain age. I LOVE babies and I can deal with kids 7 and up who have mostly learned how to be well-behaved by then. But kids ages 2-6 are little monsters, and I don’t mean that affectionately Ms. Gaga.

It’s not that I’m like a neglectful, abusive babysitter, who if the kid is bad I lock them in the closet or some crazy shit. I just get that feeling… You know the one, where you feel mentally, physically and even emotionally drained, usually after a very serious event or a terrible day at work? Yea, well that’s how I feel about five minutes into babysitting a little monster.

So, recently my sister asked me to babysit her daughter who is ADORABLE, but very much in the monster stage. And then she added in she wanted me to do it overnight. My rate is actually pretty fair for friends./family. It’s ten dollars for a whole day and twenty for overnight (more for overnight because the kids NEVER LET ME SLEEP). 

But I got to thinking, “Maybe I shouldn’t charge her?” 

I mean, it’s my niece you know. And even though she drives me crazy sometimes and frequently tells me to “get out of my mommy’s house!” whenever I visit and likes to scare the shit out of my cats and has an unfortunate obsession for going into my purse and taking the important things in there and RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS, she’s still my niece. So, maybe I should just babysit her out of the goodness of my heart?

Yea….. No.

I’m sorry, but the more I experience time spent with kids of a certain age, the LESS I want to have kids of my own. I don’t hate kids, I just have a limited amount of patience for someone else’s misbehaving monster.

And then I think, well what if my kid is like that? What if my kid destroys my stuff and never listens and tortures my cats? It scares me, cause then I think, “Well, if I feel this way now, when I have kids I’ll probably feel this way ALL the time and then I’ll become a terrible mother, cause I’ll probably drink a lot or take a lot of Zoloft or call Nanny McPhee & instead of waiting for her to work a miracle I’ll just give her my kids and leave.

Fucking hell.

So, this means I most likely won’t be reproducing. This is probably a really good thing. I mean, I wasn’t exactly a little angel myself, so I’m possibly sparing the world from more self-involved, neurotic, emotionally bi-polar weirdos…. who are cute!

It’s probably for the best.

Bye sweets. <3

The Misadventures of Blu and X (And How This Cute Girl was caught in the middle)

Today, I need to vent a little.

I’m not going to name names or get too specific. I don‘t want to upset anyone, I just need to get this off of my chest.

I fucking hate it when people don’t listen to me. (so much swearing-- cute girl calm down!)

Someone very near and dear to me, we’ll call this person Blu, keeps allowing this person, we’ll call the person X, into their life even though X repeatedly takes advantage of them.

X is the type that will never try to help you if you don’t pay them to first. It frustrates me that I’ve pointed this out repeatedly to Blu and yet it does no good. 

Two months ago Blu paid X $80 bucks to do something, cause X needed money. X gladly pockets money, promises to help Blu the next day, and then vanishes from the face of the earth. We didn’t see or hear from X for over two weeks, at which point it was too late for X to help out Blu.

X had done something similar in the past, where X had borrowed $60 bucks and promised to pay it back, but never did, so for Blu this was the last straw. Blu managed to track down X and demand the money back. This was very out of character because Blu is one of the most generous and forgiving people I know, so for Blu to go this far, it was serious.

(All this talk about Blu’s and X’s. Feel like I’m talking about cartoon characters LOL)

X came up with some excuse, but Blu didn’t buy it. They had an argument and then Blu stormed away, done with the friendship forever. Needless to say, I was very happy that Blu had finally finished with X, although I was sad how things had ended.

It’s like, I wanted Blu to be free of this person, but not at the expense of Blu’s happiness and optimism in others. As you can see, Blu means a lot to me, otherwise none of this would bother me so much I’d take to blogging about it.

Anyway, all was well and dandy, or at least so I thought. 

Today, I decided to drop in for a random visit to Blu and guess who’s over, hanging out and looking smug as bear? X.

ARGHHHHHH!

I can’t even put into words how stunned and then frustrated I was to see that X had weaseled their way back into Blu’s good graces. 

I didn’t even speak or look at X, I just kept giving Blu a “what the hell” face. At least Blu had the decency to look ashamed. But in the end, it was decided by Blu that X would be given another chance and nothing I could say would change that.

I just… I don’t get it. Every single time I’ve said, “X is bad news,” X would then prove me right by doing something despicable, but Blu would always forgive.

I get that part of being a good person is learning to forgive others, but I also think that doesn’t mean you have to keep a negative person in your life. Negative people bring about negative situations. By keeping X as a friend, Blu is welcoming in all the negativity X brings. The negativity then rolls onto me, because I am very protective of Blu. 

I guess at this point, I just have to let go of this whole situation. By that I mean whenever Blu comes to me to talk about X, I will just change the subject and let Blu know that I have officially done giving advice on a situation where the advice is ignored anyway.

I’m sad, though, cause it kinda feels like I’m giving up my friend to a situation that will very likely turn bad again. But every time I say something, it is ignored and I am told I am too harsh on people.

I am harsh on people, okay, but only if they hurt the ones I care about. You can try to hurt me, too, but it takes a lot to get to me on a personal level.

Fucking hell.

I guess venting has helped a little. I don’t feel nearly as riled up as I did before. Just a little sad.

Ah well. Things will get better. They always do.

Bye sweets. <3

OMG this post was actually written TODAY!

...unlike the ones I just posted.

The reason I have so many in one day (and more, but Imma wait until tomorrow to post the others xD) is because I've been writing for this blog for a few weeks, but I am html ILLITERATE. 

I kept trying to edit the blog myself and got frustrated when it was always ugly. So, I didn't bother to post anymore entries.

Today, I finally found a cute template that lets me change a few things (although if anyone can tell me how to make the blog creator/designer's name at the bottom smaller, that would be great-- not so small people won't see/notice, cause I can see how that would be inappropriate, just not as bulky).

TA-DAH! Blog is now cute and very similar to what I was trying to make on my own, just much better. ;P

Lots of love to Dani and Just So Scrappy for the awesome free template. Links for both at bottom of blog. 

Bye sweets. <3

The Question Is…

Should I spend my money on a new digital camera OR should I wait a while and get a new phone (finally graduating to touch screen!)?

Or should I just buy more make-up?

Hmm….

Fucking hell, this is a hard decision.

Wallet, please fill yourself with more money so I can do all three! 

PLEASE!

Bye sweets. <3

Pre-Judging

Have you ever been pre-judged?

Not regular judged, like everyone does, where you size a person up during your first conversation with them. 

I mean, judged before the person ever said a single word to you?

There are some people who will see you around a couple a times or hear the opinion of one or two people and then decide that they know everything about you. 

And, even worse, there’s the kind who will look at you just once and completely dismiss you as a worthy person. Fucking hell.

I don’t really care about being pre-judged by people around my age or younger than me, but I am so sick of it happening with people who are older.

Yea, okay, I’m not cookie cutter, but the way I look on the outside only shows you what my fashion sense is. And given how much that’s been evolving overtime and really every single day, that tells you nothing.

And yet, older people seem to think that the way you present yourself when they run into you on a casual day is enough to tell them everything they’d ever want to know about you. 

It’s seriously annoying.

Why do I care so much about the opinions of my elders, you ask? Well, I was raised by my grandparents, so I’ve had the “respect your elders” thing drilled into my head from a young age. It was sort of inevitable that I’d be an old person loving, senior-citizen respecting cute girl.

But some old people are just plain ridiculous. This friend of my grandmother’s who comes around from time to time and who I am always polite and helpful toward (I‘ve helped her carry groceries numerous times), constantly gives me weird vibes. It’s been like that since before we ever had a conversation together. She gave me this weird look and completely ignored me until she realized I was her friend‘s granddaughter. But even now no matter what I do it’s like she’s waiting for me to say something rude or do something vile. Seems to think I’m some uncivilized whore or something.

And she’s not the only one.

I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes I’ll be having an incredibly awesome day and then I’ll run into her or someone like her and I’ll start feeling like I’ll never be good enough. Why is it only old people that make me feel self-conscious? I’m harboring some serious grandparent issues.

And yea, I am living with them. My grandparents are going through some hard health times, so I’m helping out until they’re back on their feet. So far it’s been….eh.
Ah well.

Maybe eventually I’ll become a geriatric rescuing superhero and all those judgmental oldies will completely change their minds about me.

Or maybe I’ll just use The Secret. 

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.


…Am I weird??

Cute Girl Score Card
-2 for swearing, -1 for lack of confidence (New Rule: cute girls always have confidence in themselves), +1 for wanting to better myself (New Rule: cute girls are all about self improvement), +2 for respecting my elders, +1 for plugging The Secret, something every cute girl should at least know.

Bye sweets. <3

How is a Raven like a writing desk?

Well, hello. 

Lola Kane here and no that is not my real name, but I did pick it myself.

So, this blog is going to chronicle… well, just about anything that pertains to me. 

My fashion, my make-up obsession, my diet (UGH!), and anything and everything else I feel like adding. 

This is not my first blog and all the really juicy stuff will be put in another blog that maybe I’ll tell a few friends about. However, some stuff might make it in here. We’ll see.

There will be A LOT  of (pretty shitty) pictures of things I like. Really random things, though I’ll do my best to organize everything. 

Hmm, what else? I guess I should tell you some things about me….

Age: 24 (I just turned 24 on the 30th. I’m getting so OLD!)
Height: 5’1ish. 
Location: Somewhere in southern USA. Hopefully, I’ll be in Savannah soon. <3
Gender: Female (A few years ago, though, I categorized myself as male. Even came close to starting HRT! After, I decided I was gender variant. And now I’ve learned to get along with my vagina again.)
Favorite color: Purple
Least favorite sound: One of my least favorite sounds is the squeaky noise markers make when you write with them. The thought of it is making me cringe. Eek!
Guilty pleasure: Sugar babies… someone please take them away from me!!!
Current favorite person: Hayden Paniettere. She’s also my thinspiration. I think we’re about the same height and I love how she manages to stay in shape without becoming super skinny like other Hollywood girls.

So, I think what you’ll have learned about me by now is that I’m really lame for a 24 year old and I don’t really act my age. I’m also pretty odd. But I think that’s a good thing.

Not a bad opening entry, although technically it’s the third entry. It is the first real one though. I think the next will be full of pics of stuff I’m currently obsessed with. 

See you then. 

Bye sweets.<3

Why I Won't Post Pictures of Myself...

Because this cute girl is still under construction. You can decide for yourself what that means, but if you keep reading this blog you’ll eventually figure it out.

Will I ever post pictures of myself? 

………………

………

….

Yes. Eventually. 

Bye sweets.<3

The Rules of Cute

Because in my world SHORT=CUTE!!

Cute Girls Are:
1. Petite (under 5’4 and usually height/weight proportionate)
2. Sweet (no over the top temper tantrums, but we will freak out when we see something we really like. We also tend to say “aww” a lot.)
3. Fashionable (okay, most of us look silly in super sexy clothes. Something about a skimpy bandage dress doesn’t translate when you’re 5’1. We make up for this by getting away with styles our taller friends could never get away with. We usually have to reinvent styles to suit us, which makes us pretty fashion forward. We also get to shop in the kid’s section, which means we can get clothes for much cheaper and don’t have to break the bank.)
4. Great best friends (we’re small, so we’re pretty easy to beat up which makes us very non-threatening. Most people see us as adorable (even guys), so we aren’t direct competition for guys who prefer average height or tall girls.)
5. Travel sized (we’d be incredibly easy to smuggle out of the country as we can fit into small places.)
6. Adorable (no explanation needed)
7. Everywhere. So come say hi, okay?

Cute Girls Don’t:
1. Overeat (small bodies, small appetites, small portions)
2. Fight (we’re too little and too easily overpowered to win any, so we don’t start any either.)
3. Swear (Okay, maybe some do, but I’m really trying to cut back on how much I swear, so I’ll put this rule on here to motivate me.)
4. Like it when you pat them on the head like a dog. (Seriously, it’s annoying.)
5. Overindulge (Candy, cakes and all the like is something we either don’t eat or eat every once in a while. Eat too much candy and that height/weight proportionate thing goes right out the window.)

Will be adding to this list over time.

Bye for now, sweets.<3