First Adult Thanksgiving and a Birthday

What? What's that???

Is it the first turkey Lola's ever been responsible for in her life?

Why, yes. It is!

Holy shit it takes all day to cook a Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks for telling me, Life.

Seriously, though, I feel so accomplished. Who knew that the way to feel more adult and in control was by cooking your own thanksgiving dinner?

Okay, so I had a LOT of help from my cooking mentor, Priscilla, and my sister, but all the hard work I did myself. 

AND IT WAS YUMMY!

I think that was the most surprising part. 

And after all the cooking and thanksgiving bickering... err, giving thanks was over, I finally got to overeat like everybody else. See:

That's the mac and cheese, stuffing piled under gravy, turkey and (not pictured) there was also pasta salad, collard greens and cranberry sauce. YUM!

Even the cat was digging my food.

"What is that delicious smell? I must have it!"

And to top it all off......

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Yay!!! Holy shit.

Glossing over the typical holiday family drama, it's been an awesome last few days.

Happy Late Thanksgiving!!

Bye sweets. <3

Stay Cute

Even when it seems as though the world is against you.

Ultimately, at some point in life you will have to be your own best friend.

I know, because that is what I am going through now.

Not only did I lose the war, I lost nearly every battle. I don't really remember why I fought so hard. I guess I thought that in time people would see what he was really like and I would be vindicated.

But all that happened was that everyone ended up hating me in the end and he gets everything he could've ever wanted. 

It's a tough pill to swallow.

Maybe I should have been more vocal. I believed that truth would win out; that people would see that he was the one that started it and kept it going all this time, even when I stopped actively fighting things. It's weird to be the villain when I was the one consistently being harassed, spoken ill of, taken advantage of and just all around treated like shit. 

And now I'm getting kicked out and I know that there is no one on my side.

It hurts.

I keep trying to think back to what I did to every single person (including the brother who continually used me to get things he needed and then talked shit behind my back and did really awful things to me) who has chosen to believe him over me to the point where I have no one to turn to, and the only thing I can come up with is that I'm very antisocial and he isn't. I've never been close to my sisters, mom or brothers and he and my brother are best friends. So, that's possibly where it started.

But I always thought that you could at least depend on people like your siblings or your mother when things got really bad.

You can't.

So now what? 

Now, I figure out my own life and leave a lot of people behind. It's sad realizing they were people I never really had in the first place.

I'm feeling defeated right now, so all the things I *really* want to say will have to wait until another time. 

Everything happens for a reason.... I hope that the reason is for better things to happen in my life and for better people to enter into it. 

I hope you all never stop fighting, even if it feels hopeless. Maybe things will turn out better for you.

Maybe I should've fought harder, but it's over now and I've survived.

Till next time....

Bye sweets. <3