First Adult Thanksgiving and a Birthday

What? What's that???

Is it the first turkey Lola's ever been responsible for in her life?

Why, yes. It is!

Holy shit it takes all day to cook a Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks for telling me, Life.

Seriously, though, I feel so accomplished. Who knew that the way to feel more adult and in control was by cooking your own thanksgiving dinner?

Okay, so I had a LOT of help from my cooking mentor, Priscilla, and my sister, but all the hard work I did myself. 

AND IT WAS YUMMY!

I think that was the most surprising part. 

And after all the cooking and thanksgiving bickering... err, giving thanks was over, I finally got to overeat like everybody else. See:

That's the mac and cheese, stuffing piled under gravy, turkey and (not pictured) there was also pasta salad, collard greens and cranberry sauce. YUM!

Even the cat was digging my food.

"What is that delicious smell? I must have it!"

And to top it all off......

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Yay!!! Holy shit.

Glossing over the typical holiday family drama, it's been an awesome last few days.

Happy Late Thanksgiving!!

Bye sweets. <3

Stay Cute

Even when it seems as though the world is against you.

Ultimately, at some point in life you will have to be your own best friend.

I know, because that is what I am going through now.

Not only did I lose the war, I lost nearly every battle. I don't really remember why I fought so hard. I guess I thought that in time people would see what he was really like and I would be vindicated.

But all that happened was that everyone ended up hating me in the end and he gets everything he could've ever wanted. 

It's a tough pill to swallow.

Maybe I should have been more vocal. I believed that truth would win out; that people would see that he was the one that started it and kept it going all this time, even when I stopped actively fighting things. It's weird to be the villain when I was the one consistently being harassed, spoken ill of, taken advantage of and just all around treated like shit. 

And now I'm getting kicked out and I know that there is no one on my side.

It hurts.

I keep trying to think back to what I did to every single person (including the brother who continually used me to get things he needed and then talked shit behind my back and did really awful things to me) who has chosen to believe him over me to the point where I have no one to turn to, and the only thing I can come up with is that I'm very antisocial and he isn't. I've never been close to my sisters, mom or brothers and he and my brother are best friends. So, that's possibly where it started.

But I always thought that you could at least depend on people like your siblings or your mother when things got really bad.

You can't.

So now what? 

Now, I figure out my own life and leave a lot of people behind. It's sad realizing they were people I never really had in the first place.

I'm feeling defeated right now, so all the things I *really* want to say will have to wait until another time. 

Everything happens for a reason.... I hope that the reason is for better things to happen in my life and for better people to enter into it. 

I hope you all never stop fighting, even if it feels hopeless. Maybe things will turn out better for you.

Maybe I should've fought harder, but it's over now and I've survived.

Till next time....

Bye sweets. <3

"Do You Even Still Want To Be With Me?"

You asked.

And it's complicated.

So I replied:



There are some things I haven't told you, because you're so broken and I don't want to be the final crack that causes you to shatter.

But I can't be what you need me to be.

I can be there for you- I will be there for you. Always. 

But I'm not your savior.

I can't take your problems and dissolve them. I can't make you stop taking those pills. 

I can only support you and love you and hope you listen to me.

But I can't save you.

If there's one thing I've learned from life, it's that the only person who can save you is yourself.

If you can't erase the negativity in your life, then you will only bring more negativity. I can't be your only source of happiness and I hate that I feel pressured to be the thing that pulls you back from the edge.

If you love me, then learn to love yourself. 

That would make me happy. 

But I don't know how to get you to do that. And I don't know how to tell you these things without hurting you. And deep down I know, you wouldn't really listen anyway.

I think I might lose you someday. And that scares me. 

What's even scarier is thinking that I've already lost you.





....Have I?

Asexuality: A Girl

I don't know what that means, either.

Not the word, but the title as a whole.

Anyway, for quite a few years (possibly my whole life) sex has been a weird thing for me. When I was young, I fantasized about it; kept pairing myself with all the hot guys on TV and imagining them being my first true whatever.

But in reality I was EXTREMELY self-conscious and just plain awkward around boys. So all my friends basically lost the v-card before me with the exception of two.

They didn't know that, though.

The sad thing about being a girl in this world is how easy it is to build a false persona for yourself. I got a "reputation" somewhere in eighth grade because the people I hung out with had a reputation. It was that easy.

And I wanted it.

I felt that if people thought I was having sex, then they would think I was cool/mature/interesting/sexy and those were all things I desperately wanted to be. So much so that I started lying about a crap load of stuff. I basically became a pathological liar and created a life for myself that was far more interesting than my real life.

That wasn't the case at home, though. In the culture I grew up in, girls were supposed to be "innocent" and sex before marriage was a sin, even though pretty much everyone had done it. I actually was a virgin.

Once when I was 14 I was having a conversation with my grandfather and he told me about how my uncle (the same one I'm having problems with now- IMAGINE THAT!) had come to him and told him he thought I was having sex. Keep in mind I only saw this uncle maybe a couple of times a month and he and I had no bond with each other whatsoever. My reputation at school never got to my family and all of my cousins knew what I was really like- inexperienced, awkward, bossy.

What I'm assuming happened is my mom got pregnant at a young age and I guess he thought that since it happened to her, it would happen to me. Charming, right? Anyway, my grandpa didn't give a rat's ass what my uncle thought and told me so.

Still, I realized that while I wanted that reputation at school because of all the attention (even if negative attention) it brought me, I didn't actually want to be that girl.

The thought of sex interested me, but the actual act, the doing it part did not.

I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. When I got into high school and started doing the whole teenage rebellion, party scene (decked out in goth, I might add) I would drink and flirt and do all the things I was supposed to. But if any guy ever got interested... FUCK.

I can't even begin to describe how awkward it felt to kiss these guys and whenever they tried to instigate more, I'd come up with some shitty excuse and bail. It always felt like I was being touched against my will, even though I allowed it to happen.

Eventually, I managed to get myself to go farther with this guy I "liked". Not all the way, no way, but far enough to make me think I might be a lesbian, because no matter how interested he appeared to be, I wasn't.

I even tried dating girls and found that, although I still wasn't interested in sex, they were much easier to kiss and flirt with. I didn't feel as awkward.

That whole period of time was honestly just one massively confusing phase that ended when I actually did lose my v-card at the age of 17.

It was about two weeks after my father had committed suicide, with a boy who was older and beautiful and who I really wanted to love me. And it was... short. And awkward. And I didn't enjoy it, at all. And it wasn't because he wasn't doing it right, it was because it ultimately wasn't what I wanted.

I don't regret it, though.

Ultimately it helped me figure out that my libido really doesn't extend to other people.

I haven't had sex since and sometimes I feel sad about that and other times I feel ashamed, like I led all these people to believe I was something I wasn't.

And it still bothers me when people insinuate that I am that kind of girl, especially when I now know that the type of girl I am is Asexual.

It means: the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity. It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the four types thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. (wikipedia)

And while it is rare to the point that most people haven't even heard of it, there are others out there. It means I'm not alone.

And who knows? Maybe in time I'll discover I'm actually demisexual (a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons -urban dictionary) and was just looking for love all along. But even if I'm not, I'm okay with that.

The only challenge I'm going to have to face is the coming out aspect and getting people to understand, particularly the people I lied to way back then.

I'm sure I'll manage it when the time is right.

Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. It's such a fucking relief to get that all out.

If you only knew how long I've been carrying all of it...

Fucking hell.

Bye sweets. <3

Favorite Music Videos of All Time (Part 1)

Currently I'm not able to take any decent pictures (will explain why eventually) and I wanted to liven this blog up a bit, cause let's face it- my life just isn't that interesting.

/wrists

*Ahem*

So, I thought it'd be fun to post my favorite music videos of all time! Some come from when I was little, cause, like, when I was growing up MTV really did stand for Music Television. And they played music videos. A lot.

So, let's begin, okay?

(In no particular order...)

1) Blur- Coffee and TV


So, the reason I loved this video was because the little milk carton was SO. DARN. CUTE! Back then, the thing was to do semi-animated movies (is that what it was called?) where, like, cartoon characters could exist in a real life setting, but still be cartoons (think Space Jam). Despite the weird and scary things that sometimes happen to the poor milk cartoon, it had a happy ending. And a really catchy tune.

2) TIE!!!

Not only are the creative minds behind Gnarls Barkley musical geniuses, they're also not too bad when it comes to making music videos. Case in point: Going On and Who's Gonna Save My Soul.

Going On:


When I first saw this video, I had no idea where it was going (heh). It looked poorly made and I dunno, I just didn't think the video fit the song style. And then it kept going, got better, kept going, got me all emotional. When the video was over, I just stared at my computer screen for a moment, not able to comprehend the depth of the thing I'd just seen. I won't give too much away. It might not effect you the way it did me, but it's definitely worth seeing.

Who's Gonna Save My Soul:


Ever been blind-sided by a break-up? Gnarls Barkley knows how you feel. Seriously, if you've gotten the, "it's not you, it's me," or, "i just need some time for myself," or even the, "things were really good, but it's just time for us to move on," and you were sitting there thinking, "But... why???" then this video is for you. Honestly, if that's something you're going through right now and you want to explain to that person exactly how they've made you feel, send them this video. They'll get it. (Caution: Mind the gore.)

3) Temper Trap- Love Lost


Presenting the Endurance Test to end all Endurance tests! Seriously, if this happened in every gym class, they might've been more bearable. There is something precious about this video, and not just because of the kids. Some people might complain, "But what has this got to do with the song???" Those people have missed the point. Maybe you'll get it. Oh, and you might want to cover your eyes at the end.

4) Michael Jackson- Leave Me Alone


As a girl who's loved Michael Jackson all her life, even with all the unfortunate attention he received later in the years, it was bound to happen that I would have a favorite video of his (I won't be surprised if more pop up later on). It wasn't easy. So many of his videos remind me so strongly of a childhood spent with my cousins watching his music clips and mimicking his moves. I even wanted to grow up and marry him. What I love about this particular video is how he deals with all the unwanted attention from the media in his own way: both acknowledging the negative views people have of him and making fun of it all at the same time. This clip is the weirdest carnival you've ever been to and so apropos to what his life was like at the time. 

5) Alanis Morissette- Ironic

(If anyone has a better quality version of this video, I'd be very grateful for a link.)

So, we all know that the ironic thing about this song is that it isn't actually about irony, which just makes it... um, ironic. The video, however, is Iconic with a capital 'I'. I was a kid when I saw it and it just seemed like magic to me how Alanis was able to duplicate herself just by getting into a car. And as a child with a short attention span, I was glued to every moment of this video. Every time I watched it (and it played on TV several times a day for a while). It's just one of those classics that will always have the same effect on people the first time they see it: they won't be able to forget it.


That's all for now!

Yes, yes I know it was short. I worried that if I tried to come up with the full list now, I'd forget some. So, I'm just gonna make this one of those things I come back to every now and then.

Even though this entry was completely devoid of drama, I hope it livened things up here, even if just a little bit.

Bye sweets<333

Lola Says

Choose your battles wisely. 

I used to be the type of person who never stood up for herself. I kept thinking that if I was just really nice to everyone, that people wouldn’t do bad things to me. 

Unfortunately, this never seems to work.

From girls talking shit about me in school, to being used by countless people who I kept making excuses for (maybe she’s going through a rough time… Maybe he just misunderstood me…), I finally learned that some people are just bad sometimes.

In more recent years, I’ve learned to stand up for myself, but it’s taken some fine tuning. 

I developed a temper and the ability to yell and I ended up winning quite a few arguments (though I rarely felt proud of the fact afterward). But I was happy in a way that I had found my voice.

I’d learned that it’s not okay to let people do whatever they want to you just so that they will like you. It took me a while to understand, but I do think I’m all the better for it.

But there was one more lesson to learn.

As much as something hurts; as much as it is untrue and just plain wrong, you cannot win every fight.

And some just aren’t worth fighting over.

Recently, I’ve learned that people who’ve known me all my life have started to believe I am a thief. 

I am honest and kind of rude and irresponsible and selfish and lazy.

But I am not a thief. 

Nor have I ever had a reputation for stealing.

So why would people who have known me my whole life suddenly start to believe otherwise?

I think a particular person who I haven’t gotten along with for some time has been spreading lies about me. Lies that unfortunately are being believed.

I wanted to fight. But then I realized something: if people have already made up their mind against you, it’s extremely difficult to change them. And it’s just not even worth it sometimes.

So I choose not to.

I have a feeling that whatever it is I have been accused of taking will turn up. And the people who have been treating me poorly will realize it was never taken in the first place… And guilt will solve the rest.

Until then I am on my own.

Yea, it hurts and I even took my big girl panties off so I could cry about it and curse the world and daydream about running away and becoming a gypsy. (did I really just misspell gypsy? Fucking hell. Spell check saves lives, friends.)

But what I am learning about being strong and believing in myself, even if everyone else is against me, makes up for all the bullshit.

So in the end, it’s worth it.

Bye sweets. <3

I Can't Think of Something Good To Call This Post

So...

As you can see, March was the month everything started going wrong.

The most important person in my life got really sick. And I... didn't realize how bad it was until he was hospitalized.

And then he couldn't get enough energy to stay awake very long.

And then he stopped waking up at all.

And then he died.

I'm still not okay.

I get that things happen in this world, but my life has been on drama overdose during this whole incident and well after.

True, I have become a stronger person due to everything.

But I'd really like it to stop now. 

The previous post gives you some idea of what things have been like, but there's much more to the story. Someday, I'll air out everything, but for now I just needed to vent. I still want this blog to be happy and full of things I like and (eventually) pictures of things.

I even have blog posts written out that I'll get around to posting eventually. So, this thing isn't dead.

It's just... on a brief hold. I'm still determined to make this place my escape.

I really hope your lives are full of happiness and adventure and the you tell the person who means the most to you how much you love them as much as you can.

Stay strong, sweets. <3

Lola loves you.

Things I would like you to know...

(So, this is supposed to help as an anger outlet thingy. It's completely over the top and very exaggerated. Also, where the fuck have I been??? Being tortured by the person who brought you this blogpost.... verbally and through snide comments, never outright, of course. You'll get what I mean in a second...)

Hello!

Do you have time to sit and listen to me rant about how I’ve worked so hard throughout my life and because of this the world owes me EVERYTHING??? In fact, you owe me stuff, too. I’ll tell you about it later, using half-assed logic.

Anyway, my favorite thing to do is to bitch and moan about this 24 year old girl. I’m a 43 year old man with lots of grays and I like to think myself quite the distinguished gentleman, particularly when I do things like knock in her door and break half of my mother’s dishes in a fit of rage.

But it’s all the 24 year old’s fault, of course.

See, I come from a time when things were difficult and I had to struggle and the entire world underestimated me, so I decided to get back at authority often by loudly and angrily asserting my OWN authority. 

This resulted in me hanging on to the “same” job in many different counties and states, because I just couldn’t seem to get along with my boss. As if ANYONE has the right to tell me what to do! Even if that is what I signed up for when I took the job….

IT’S NOT THE POINT, THOUGH!

The point is that I’m really charming and people love me, even though I frequently talk shit about them behind their back, I make them laugh when they’re around me, which is what counts. After all, I worked harder than them my whole life, which makes me better than everyone else. 

But back to the point. So this 24 year old girl thinks she can get away with speaking her opinion about me (which is inaccurate, I mean, who doesn’t think I’m wonderful, because I AM) and she does it to my face! Plus, she‘s lazy. I mean, yea so what if you cook for yourself and clean up after yourself when you’re done. You’re a woman. And just like my wife, when I eat it’s your job to clean up after me. When I cook, I will leave the pot on the stove, full of grease and bits of food and it will be your job to take care of my mess. 

I make it up by sweeping and mopping the floors a couple of times a week and then reminding everybody everyday that I do these things.

Oh and thanks for taking care of my mom, 24 year old girl I hate.

Oh and thanks for not minding that I take full credit for a lot of what you do for her.

After all, she’s my mom which means that everything you do for her is technically something that I am doing for her, which makes sense considering that this is my house- even though it’s hers. But she’s MY mother, so it works.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is I’m on a mission to get this 24 year old bitch out of this house.

I don’t give a damn if she doesn’t have anywhere else to stay and we live in an area where minimum wage just isn’t gonna get the rent or bills paid. She don’t like me.

That bothers me, because everyone should like me. I’m completely wonderful, after all. And the bitch is lazy. She don’t like doing my dishes.

So I’m gonna keep saying things outside of her door when it’s closed to try to bother her. And I’m gonna keep trying to push her buttons, so that she flies off in a rage and breaks something and then 

BAM

Imma call the cops on her ass and tell the police we don’t feel safe with her here. It’s not like she called the cops when I broke half the dishes and punched in her door. But I’ll do that to her so that she can get her ass out of here and my life will be good.

But even when she’s gone she better still bring her ass over here to take care of my momma that raised her, even though when she‘s here I‘m still gonna give her a hard time, because that‘s just how  incredibly consistent I am.

And I got everyone on my side, because instead of telling people what I’m like, she tries to keep it to herself and figure out ways to deal with it like a grown up, instead of complaining to anyone who will listen about me, like I do to her.

She just do not know how to play this game.

Anyway, I gotta go. Got to think of another way to piss off this bitch. I’ll get her ass eventually.

I don’t care if she is my niece.

Make-Up Haul!!!

Warning: Did not edit this entry. Too damn lazy. Oh, and lots and lots of swearing in this post. Blame lack of sleep, okay?

Sooo, guess who spent tax return money on make-up??

Okay, not all of it, but I did add a lot of new stuff to my already abundant stash.

AND I GOT PICKCHAS!!!!!!111 omg.

They suck, but still.

So without further ado my March Make-Up haul (maybe this will become a thing?):

Garnier BB Cream 

So, I already have a BB cream, I think it's by Maybelline, but I wasn't happy with it cause my skin gets REALLY oily, and it only added extra shine to my face. 

That's why I was extremely happy to find this from Garnier. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm hoping it does as promised and keeps the shine off of my face.

*crosses fingers*

Kiss Premium Eyelashes

I don't wear eyelashes, cause I'm volumizing mascara dependent BUT I really want to start, so I saw these in the store (on sale) and figured, "Why not?" 

They look really thick and full and my eyelashes are so thin they are damn near invisible. I'm guessing once I wear these the result will be hella dramatic.

Wet n Wild Creme Eyeliner in Cocoa and Maybelline Eyestudio Gel Liner in Charcoal

Hello my new addiction!!!

Fuck pencil, fuck liquid, Gel is my new shit. It goes on SO, SO, SO easy, and I'm like eyeliner inept, okay. I can't get a straight, non-messy line to save my life and cat eyes??? Forget it. 

But that was before I tried Gel. 

Now I can whip up a perfect winged eye in minutes, without constantly having to go over the line or clean up smudges. Seriously, putting on eyeliner used to be my least favorite make-up step and now I look forward to it.

I don't think I'll ever go back to pencils or liquid. 

Ever.

Also, super cheap. The black gel I use (not pictured) is by Wet n Wild and it KICKS ASS. Seriously, it's the same quality as the more pricey stuff, but retails for $3.99. Definitely more value than what you pay for. 

The one pictured, though, is from the Fergie line of products, so it retails for $4.99.

Damn you, Fergie! Hiking up my prices and shit.

Just kidding I love you.

CoverGirl Oil Control Foundation in Classic Tan

Remember how I mentioned I have really oily skin in some places? 

Well, you're gonna start to see a trend of oil-free or shine-control products in the stuff I buy, cause I seriously can not with the shine.

I've used this foundation, but I got the Sensitve Skin kind, so I haven't tried this version yet. I have no idea if it will work, but I know the Sensitive Skin version didn't have too much shine when I wore it, so hopefully this stuff will be better. 

From Top Left: CoverGirl LipPerfection in Euphoria, CoverGirl Eye Enhancers in Drama Eyes, CoverGirl Shadow Blast Smoky Eyes, CoverGirl Clean Oil-Control Pressed Powder Foundation in Warm Beige

If you'd asked me a week ago what my favorite drug store make up brand is, I'd have said Maybelline. Yet, I find myself constantly buying (and loving) CoverGirl products, sooo maybe it's CoverGirl after all? 

So, out of these products, I actually have used the pressed powder, just in a different shade, and I've worn the lipstick. 

The powder is once again oil-control (see, told you the oil-control thing will be a trend) and I really like it. The shade I had before was Classic Tan and it's too dark. (Yes, I know the liquid foundation I showed above is in Classic Tan, but for some reason the pressed powder goes on darker??? Idk why.)

I got the lipstick, because I've fallen fashionably late in love with the wine-colored lips trend and I was looking for a dramatic deep red that would suit my skin tone. And I found it!!!!

I love my lips when I'm wearing this lipstick. They are sexy, full and vampy and I feel like my pout could give Kemp Muhl's a run for her money (okay, not really, but still). 

From top: Sally Hansen Lip Smoother, Maybelline Baby Lips in Peach Kiss, Covergirl LipPerfection in Heavenly, Maybelline ColorSensational in Warm Latte, Maybelline Baby Lips in Quenched

I'm all about the lips, lately. I think it's because ever since I caught the WORST COLD I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE my lips have been getting chapped very easily, so I needed products that could moisturize them which is where the Baby Lips and Lip Smoother come in.

I use the Baby Lips in Quenched the most, followed by the Lip Smoother and then Peach Kiss. All three get the job done, but Quenched has spf 20, the Lip Smoother has a glossy shine I love and Peach Kiss smells and tastes the best. So, really I love all three.

As for the two lipsticks, one was an impulse buy and one I got from my Gma cause she bought it and never wore it. It was still sealed up!

The LipPerfection in heavenly is a VERY bold pink that I somehow get away with depending on what I'm wearing (it looks really good with big, dark sunglasses lol). 

The ColorSensational I wear when I'm doing big, dramatic eyes and I want a lipstick that won't compete with my eyes. It's a gorgeous shimmery bronze color that looks perfect with my skin tone. <33

I wanted to show what each of the colors look like, but I have terrible lighting in my apartment (AND MOSQUITOES FUCKING HELL!!!!), so this is the best I could do: 

From Bottom to top: LipPerfection in Heavenly, LipPerfection in Euphoria, ColorSensational in Warm Latte

Looks like shit, right? I neeeed better lighting. Bad.

Early attempt to capture lip color while wearing the lip stick. 

Lolfail.

And do you see? My kiss is only worth 20 cents.... LOLfml.

Impress Press On Nails in Chic Mystique

Yay for the easiest manicure in the fucking world!

Seriously, all you do is peel 'em off like they're a sticker, put them on your nails (make sure you line them up correctly, cause once they're set they ARE NOT MOVING), hold them down for about 20 seconds and BOOM you're done. And your nails look perfect.

Love!

Sally Hansen Salon Effects in Metal Head

Can you tell I'm really lazy when it comes to doing my nails?

Haha, not really, but I just get SO SICK of spending time painting my nails to perfection and then having them chip five minutes later.

I haven't used these yet, but they seem like a cool idea. 

Plus, I won't have to spend 20 fucking minutes applying, drying, reapplying, then using art deco for intricate design.

Then ruining when I wash the dishes. :/

Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets

Just in case all the other oil-control products fail.

You can never be too careful, k?

AND NOW A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE FROM.....

My new shoes!!!!

Aren't they prettiful????

Believe it or not both were under $20. The boots were $17.94 and the booties $19.99. 

Great buy, right???

And that concludes this entry. 

Sorry my pics are shit, but I'm still learning, okay? One day I will have the best pictures in the whole world on this blog.

And then I will wake up and find it was all one, pathetic dream. /emo shit

Bye sweets. <33

P.S. I'm beginning to wonder if the view count on my blog is right. According to Google I've had a ton of traffic and views (not counting mine, I swear!), but none of you bitches comment. 

What gives?

Oh, well. I'm not writing this blog for you anyway. I'm writing for my future kids, okay, who will read this and think, "Dear Jesus, why'd you give me this loser for a mommy? Why???"

lolmylifeisbelowaverage. :/

Lola's Busy (and sober... for now): Try Your Call Again Later

Only 8 blog posts so far in 2013 (not counting this one).

I suppose you could say I'm not off to the best start...

A lot has been happening, though, and not all of it positive. I don't want to commemorate the negative moments in my life (unless I can put a humorous spin on them), though maybe I should vent about a few things.

OH!

On a huge,  mega positive note... I GOT INTO SCAD!!! (google it)

I think I mentioned in an earlier post wanting to move to Savannah and SCAD is one of the reasons why. The only issue I currently face is all the financial shit. I'm pretty positive, though, I will qualify for some pretty awesome scholarships/grants which should hopefully take care of all the heavier costs. And then FAFSA should cover the rest. *fingers crossed*

Aside from that, my inner party girl has emerged. Quite frankly, I'd forgotten she even existed!

I haven't seen her since I was a teenager. But she is back with a VENGEANCE. 

I've been going out to a bar called Bru's Room every Friday. I get a little drunk and do a little dancing and it's all a blast (with one notable exception, but I'm trying not to dwell on negatives so...).

Last Friday night, though, was a different best. I discovered something called a Blue Long Island which is this tasty drink, that is brimming with tons of hard liquors that you DON'T TASTE AT ALL so you foolishly drink lots and lots of these and then....

BOOM

you're chocolate wasted.

When did I become that sloppy girl that spills her drink all over the place and awkwardly grinds with boys on the dance floor??? 

Must stop.

Cute girls don't get shit-faced. This is a new rule.

Still, it's exciting to know that I can indeed "hang" with my younger cousins (ugh, I sound SO old, I'm only 24 , WAAAHHHHH somebody make me stop aging omgggg!) who keep inviting me out to these shenanigans (since when do I use that word, i am aging faster on the inside, WTH?!).

Oh, and and and I think I just got a new job! Waiting to get called back, but am really hoping I do cause now with the whole SCAD thing I could use more income.

So, yea, 2013 has been ridiculously busy, but in a good way. Now just need to get the self-improvement stuff down and I will be solid. 

POSITIVE VIBE is in full force today. Please, please stay.

Will update more on my crazy life eventually. 

Bye sweets. <3

P.S. Was supposed to attend a lot of festivals that were held this month, buuut I missed them. 

All. 

Fucking hell. Guess I'll just have to fill this blog with pictures from the bar from now on. heh

Too Hungover to think of a good title

Just another normal night on TV...

The Adventure

The length of this post should hopefully make up for my lack of posting recently. I definitely have slacked off. :/

(Pointless observation: does anyone else think that the websites blackpeoplemeet and christian mingle were created by people with ulterior motives? Like, the person behind black people meet was tired of the MIT “thug” his precious daughter was dating and decided to steer said thug in the direction of other available black women? And christian mingle was actually masterminded by an atheist who was tired of getting dumped for using bible verses as witty comebacks-- which is a sin. 

Anybody…?

No?

Well, okay.)

So, getting my phone was not as easy as I thought it’d be. 

Sure, I’d spent the last month or so putting money aside and even using the cheap washing machines at the Laundromat to have some quarters left over to add to the LG fund. And yes, I did have enough to pay for it in the end (but embarrassingly had to borrow money from the person who was with me to pay for the activation fee + new phone bill… :/)

But the day was one of those… unfortunate ones where everything that can go wrong, does.

It all started when I got the phone and was accompanied by my grandpa. I’d neglected to tell him just how much a smartphone was, as he still sees them as “newfangled high technological devices”, so as soon as he saw the price tag, he started bitching at me about how I consistently waste money. 

It’s an argument I've been hearing my whole life, and I’m damn tired of it. 

This made buying the phone much less exciting than it otherwise would've been, and I felt like an ungrateful skank for secretly regretting the purchase for basically the whole day.

However, I managed to suck up those emotions and instead focus on how I would now need to activate and switch phones. I stopped at a Metro PCS store to get it activated, but the girls working there informed me that it would be free to activate it over the phone.

Not wanting to leave empty handed I spent $10 on a pretty pink phone case and immediately went home to do what I thought would be a very simple thing.

How wrong I was.

Apparently I didn't have the passcode associated with my phone. Rather than helping me by telling me what that passcode could be (ie bar code, date of purchase, etc.) the woman “assisting” me merely told me to find the code and then hung up.

Bitch.

So, I called an actual Metro store and was informed what the code would be and was then able to figure it out. Yay!

The fact that I had to call the store to get the help I needed should’ve told me then and there to just go in and let them help me. But after the strong words from my gpa earlier, I really didn't want to feel like I was throwing more money away when there was a cheaper (free) solution.

So, armed with the passcode I called back and was relieved to get a new person. We went through all the steps, which involved numbers, numbers, numbers. Barcode, battery code, lots of fucking codes. 

I informed the woman helping me that I use a shared phone line with my grandpa (his phone bill is only $35) and that our numbers are similar. The only difference is the last number.

She understood and made a big show of repeating my phone number back to me to confirm that this was the number the new phone was attached to. She then had me do some fancy phonework and I got a message that my phone was being activated. I very nearly hung up, thinking that that was all that was needed until…

The activation failed.

We were both very confused, so she had me try again. And again. 

And one more time.

When all of that failed, she guided me through manually programming my phone. I entered everything I was told. Read the numbers and codes back to her, and then waited patiently for my phone to be properly activated. 

Twice.

Because it Did Not Work.

In then end, she sighed and told me to do what I should’ve done from the very beginning: go to a metro store and activate the phone. 

I wanted to pull my hair out! 

My grandpa had the car, so I had no way of getting to a metro store. And worse, the store would be closing in 30 minutes.

I knew I could’ve just waited until the next day and gone in, but my regret for buying the phone was starting to creep in again. I knew if I waited another day, I’d probably just go back to the store and return it. 

I really wanted to love something I’d spent so much money on, so I would feel justified.

So, I put on my big girl panties and borrowed somebody else’s phone (since mine was officially off) and called my gpa.

And got his answering machine.

ARGH!!!

I tried to call twice more, wondering why the man who NEVER turns his phone off, not even at night or during movies, would suddenly have it off now. 

I had to find him and track him down, or I would suffer from a major case of buyer’s remorse and that is not how I wanted to start off the new year.

Fortunately, I knew where he was, so I grabbed my old phone, my new phone, my purse and the last shreds of my dignity and set off to track him down. 

And I only had 25 minutes left….

Miracle of miracles, he was exactly where I expected him to be: sitting in a parked car in front of my Uncle’s house, hiding from my grandmother so he could drink his Busch in peace.

A peace that I ruined when I hopped into the car and demanded he drive me to my destination (he’d only had a fourth a can of beer and he’s a lifelong drinker, so he wasn’t even thinking about being tipsy yet).

I explained the situation and then entered into one of the loudest silences of my life, where he gave me his, “I’m reconsidering my fondness of you” look. I didn’t have time for that, though. 

Fortunately, his two sips of Busch and handful of pork rinds had made him kind and he agreed to drive me there with very little fuss and lots of pointed stares at stop signs. 

I didn’t care, though. 

I was finally en route to cleaning up this mess of a day and nothing was going to stop me.

Not even my grandpa’s huffs of annoyance and impatience and the lecture I knew was soon to come.

Not even all the red lights we were getting at EVERY SINGLE  INTERSECTION. 

Not even the red and blue flashing lights behind us…

Fucking hell.

We got pulled over.

Apparently, the car had an expired tag. I hadn’t known this. My grandpa had, but pretended he had not. 

I was shitting bricks the entire time, partly because we now had LESS THEN 10 MINUTES LEFT and partly because I was terrified the cop would smell the beer on my gpa’s breath. He’s too old and too sweet to go to jail and if he did, it would be all my fault. All over some stupid expensive phone that didn’t even have the decency to be expensive enough to cover his bail and everyone would hate me and my grandmother would cry.

I was, in fact, about to cry. I hoped I did and I hoped the cop saw it.

Unfortunately, I was too frustrated to cry, but it was fine because the cop let us off with a warning.

Five minutes left.

We were still two blocks away. They could make a whole fucking movie about how tense I was and a sequel about the lecture my grandpa gave me when it was all over.

And finally we were there.

And it was…..

………………..

………..

……..

…

OPEN!!!!

Holy sweet batman, my life!

I rushed into the store armed with my phones and my relief and went straight to the man working there, who is actually a friend of my brother’s.

I hoped that fact would get me a free phone activation.

It did not.

While activating my phone, this man solved the final piece of the puzzle of that night’s adventure: the reason my gpa’s phone was off AND the reason the activation didn’t work is that the woman assisting me on the phone had used my gpa’s number instead of mine.

Bitchx2.

Anyway, I was SO happy to have my phone in working order, that it must’ve rubbed off on my gpa, as he willingly paid the activation fee for me.

His good humor quickly vanished when he also had to pay the remainder of our new phone bill, which had gone up considerably thanks to all the bells and whistles needed for my new phone.

Fucking hell.

Oh well. At least I got to leave that night armed with a shiny, new working phone.

And my gpa got to leave with new proof that I really am a monumental money waster and now has enough material to spend the next 24 years of my life bitching at me about this. 

Ah well.

Alls well that ends well….

Until you’re driving down the street a week later and you spot a sign with a picture of the phone that gave you hell and that you paid $148 for, now on sale.

For $49.

…..

My grandpa saw the same sign, too.

……….

Fucking hell.

Bye sweets. <3

What does it mean when someone you used to date...

Sends you a nude pic? 

I'm not really into the whole sexting thing, but it didn't come off that way anyway.

My reply back was to make a complimentary joke about the situation and then change the subject, however the sender brought it up again. 

So, I made another complimentary joke (turns out I'm good at those).

Then.... nothing.

No response since.

I'm guessing the complimentary joke wasn't the way to go, but WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY???

Fucking hell.

I am not good with potentially awkward situations. 

:/

Oh well. It was a good pic, at least. 

Bye sweets. <3

Fucking Hell: The Musical

The phone that I recently got, you know, the one I paid $148 for plus $15 insurance, plus $15 activation fee, PLUS $85 monthly phone bill just went on sale...

It is now $49.

(say it with me) Fucking Hell.

A Movie Review

Movies like this make me want to write

poetry, but I'm afraid nothing I write

will ever be this beautiful.

Because they start off weird and kind of

scary and you start to wonder why you're

even watching until somewhere along the way

it starts to break your heart.

Slowly at first, 

a crack that lengthens until it starts to shatter

and you fall to pieces 

and know that you'll never forget that movie cause

only something so good could make you hurt this bad

and still make you wish that it

never ends.

The Award for Most Useful Phone App goes to...

My Fitness Pal! yay.

Okay, like just about everyone else in the known universe, one of my New Year's goals is weight loss. Something that I know to be damn useful (but is something I always forget to do) is to record what you eat and keep track of calories. This way you can be sure you're eating enough and that you're eating right.

My fitness pal helps me do this! And the good news is, it's much more fun than having to write it down by hand. Plus, it's really easy!

And it's FREE!

What you do is this:
After downloading, you fill in your info such as height/weight, as well as weight loss goals. 

Then, it gives you the option to add friends so that you can all keep track of each other's progress as well as motivate each other. (This is seriously useful. Especially if you're one of those people who has that friend that you always find yourself competing with...)

And then... ta dah! You are now on the homepage where you can begin recording your food and your exercises as well as a few other things. 

I would post a screenshot of mine except... it's empty. lol

I haven't really started yet. /lie

Okay, I did start... but I forgot to add dinner. And then it was the next day and I forgot to add breakfast.

Fucking hell. :x

However, this is because I've been sick the past couple of days, so I have an excuse, okay?

Anyhoo, will officially start tomorrow, which is exciiiting!

Hopefully, I'll actually accomplish my weight loss goals this year instead of putting it off indefinitely like in years past. Whoops.

Bye sweets. <3