Lola Says

Choose your battles wisely. 

I used to be the type of person who never stood up for herself. I kept thinking that if I was just really nice to everyone, that people wouldn’t do bad things to me. 

Unfortunately, this never seems to work.

From girls talking shit about me in school, to being used by countless people who I kept making excuses for (maybe she’s going through a rough time… Maybe he just misunderstood me…), I finally learned that some people are just bad sometimes.

In more recent years, I’ve learned to stand up for myself, but it’s taken some fine tuning. 

I developed a temper and the ability to yell and I ended up winning quite a few arguments (though I rarely felt proud of the fact afterward). But I was happy in a way that I had found my voice.

I’d learned that it’s not okay to let people do whatever they want to you just so that they will like you. It took me a while to understand, but I do think I’m all the better for it.

But there was one more lesson to learn.

As much as something hurts; as much as it is untrue and just plain wrong, you cannot win every fight.

And some just aren’t worth fighting over.

Recently, I’ve learned that people who’ve known me all my life have started to believe I am a thief. 

I am honest and kind of rude and irresponsible and selfish and lazy.

But I am not a thief. 

Nor have I ever had a reputation for stealing.

So why would people who have known me my whole life suddenly start to believe otherwise?

I think a particular person who I haven’t gotten along with for some time has been spreading lies about me. Lies that unfortunately are being believed.

I wanted to fight. But then I realized something: if people have already made up their mind against you, it’s extremely difficult to change them. And it’s just not even worth it sometimes.

So I choose not to.

I have a feeling that whatever it is I have been accused of taking will turn up. And the people who have been treating me poorly will realize it was never taken in the first place… And guilt will solve the rest.

Until then I am on my own.

Yea, it hurts and I even took my big girl panties off so I could cry about it and curse the world and daydream about running away and becoming a gypsy. (did I really just misspell gypsy? Fucking hell. Spell check saves lives, friends.)

But what I am learning about being strong and believing in myself, even if everyone else is against me, makes up for all the bullshit.

So in the end, it’s worth it.

Bye sweets. <3

UGHHHH!

I hate having to call any government anything, because rather than settling my issue promptly, I get to spend twenty minutes dealing with an INCOMPETENT MACHINE!

*beats head on wall*

Fucking hell.

Never did I think I'd miss the day of hearing an actual person answer the phone. 

Honestly, of all the things we gave up in favor of smart technology, human beings answering phones should not have been one of them.

Bye sweets. <3

The Misadventures of Blu and X (And How This Cute Girl was caught in the middle)

Today, I need to vent a little.

I’m not going to name names or get too specific. I don‘t want to upset anyone, I just need to get this off of my chest.

I fucking hate it when people don’t listen to me. (so much swearing-- cute girl calm down!)

Someone very near and dear to me, we’ll call this person Blu, keeps allowing this person, we’ll call the person X, into their life even though X repeatedly takes advantage of them.

X is the type that will never try to help you if you don’t pay them to first. It frustrates me that I’ve pointed this out repeatedly to Blu and yet it does no good. 

Two months ago Blu paid X $80 bucks to do something, cause X needed money. X gladly pockets money, promises to help Blu the next day, and then vanishes from the face of the earth. We didn’t see or hear from X for over two weeks, at which point it was too late for X to help out Blu.

X had done something similar in the past, where X had borrowed $60 bucks and promised to pay it back, but never did, so for Blu this was the last straw. Blu managed to track down X and demand the money back. This was very out of character because Blu is one of the most generous and forgiving people I know, so for Blu to go this far, it was serious.

(All this talk about Blu’s and X’s. Feel like I’m talking about cartoon characters LOL)

X came up with some excuse, but Blu didn’t buy it. They had an argument and then Blu stormed away, done with the friendship forever. Needless to say, I was very happy that Blu had finally finished with X, although I was sad how things had ended.

It’s like, I wanted Blu to be free of this person, but not at the expense of Blu’s happiness and optimism in others. As you can see, Blu means a lot to me, otherwise none of this would bother me so much I’d take to blogging about it.

Anyway, all was well and dandy, or at least so I thought. 

Today, I decided to drop in for a random visit to Blu and guess who’s over, hanging out and looking smug as bear? X.

ARGHHHHHH!

I can’t even put into words how stunned and then frustrated I was to see that X had weaseled their way back into Blu’s good graces. 

I didn’t even speak or look at X, I just kept giving Blu a “what the hell” face. At least Blu had the decency to look ashamed. But in the end, it was decided by Blu that X would be given another chance and nothing I could say would change that.

I just… I don’t get it. Every single time I’ve said, “X is bad news,” X would then prove me right by doing something despicable, but Blu would always forgive.

I get that part of being a good person is learning to forgive others, but I also think that doesn’t mean you have to keep a negative person in your life. Negative people bring about negative situations. By keeping X as a friend, Blu is welcoming in all the negativity X brings. The negativity then rolls onto me, because I am very protective of Blu. 

I guess at this point, I just have to let go of this whole situation. By that I mean whenever Blu comes to me to talk about X, I will just change the subject and let Blu know that I have officially done giving advice on a situation where the advice is ignored anyway.

I’m sad, though, cause it kinda feels like I’m giving up my friend to a situation that will very likely turn bad again. But every time I say something, it is ignored and I am told I am too harsh on people.

I am harsh on people, okay, but only if they hurt the ones I care about. You can try to hurt me, too, but it takes a lot to get to me on a personal level.

Fucking hell.

I guess venting has helped a little. I don’t feel nearly as riled up as I did before. Just a little sad.

Ah well. Things will get better. They always do.

Bye sweets. <3

Pre-Judging

Have you ever been pre-judged?

Not regular judged, like everyone does, where you size a person up during your first conversation with them. 

I mean, judged before the person ever said a single word to you?

There are some people who will see you around a couple a times or hear the opinion of one or two people and then decide that they know everything about you. 

And, even worse, there’s the kind who will look at you just once and completely dismiss you as a worthy person. Fucking hell.

I don’t really care about being pre-judged by people around my age or younger than me, but I am so sick of it happening with people who are older.

Yea, okay, I’m not cookie cutter, but the way I look on the outside only shows you what my fashion sense is. And given how much that’s been evolving overtime and really every single day, that tells you nothing.

And yet, older people seem to think that the way you present yourself when they run into you on a casual day is enough to tell them everything they’d ever want to know about you. 

It’s seriously annoying.

Why do I care so much about the opinions of my elders, you ask? Well, I was raised by my grandparents, so I’ve had the “respect your elders” thing drilled into my head from a young age. It was sort of inevitable that I’d be an old person loving, senior-citizen respecting cute girl.

But some old people are just plain ridiculous. This friend of my grandmother’s who comes around from time to time and who I am always polite and helpful toward (I‘ve helped her carry groceries numerous times), constantly gives me weird vibes. It’s been like that since before we ever had a conversation together. She gave me this weird look and completely ignored me until she realized I was her friend‘s granddaughter. But even now no matter what I do it’s like she’s waiting for me to say something rude or do something vile. Seems to think I’m some uncivilized whore or something.

And she’s not the only one.

I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes I’ll be having an incredibly awesome day and then I’ll run into her or someone like her and I’ll start feeling like I’ll never be good enough. Why is it only old people that make me feel self-conscious? I’m harboring some serious grandparent issues.

And yea, I am living with them. My grandparents are going through some hard health times, so I’m helping out until they’re back on their feet. So far it’s been….eh.
Ah well.

Maybe eventually I’ll become a geriatric rescuing superhero and all those judgmental oldies will completely change their minds about me.

Or maybe I’ll just use The Secret. 

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.


…Am I weird??

Cute Girl Score Card
-2 for swearing, -1 for lack of confidence (New Rule: cute girls always have confidence in themselves), +1 for wanting to better myself (New Rule: cute girls are all about self improvement), +2 for respecting my elders, +1 for plugging The Secret, something every cute girl should at least know.

Bye sweets. <3