Less than 2 Hours and Counting...

and then HELLO 2013!

May I just say that I am very happy the world didn't end?

What I want to do now is make a Top 12 Lessons of 2012 list. I'm currently drinking in preparation of the New Year's ball drop, so please excuse me if I occasionally don't make any sense at all. 

Now... here we go.

1) Finally growing up.

2012 was the year I finally started getting my act as an adult together. Up until then I was still desperately trying to hang onto my youth. Now, I'm getting ready to make a huge move (fingers crossed!) and I have learned that it is not a bad thing to put yourself first sometimes. In fact, I'll be doing that quite often soon enough considering I'll be on my own for the first time in 24 years. 

Fucking hell.

...I'm excited.

2) I don't have to be anything.

I'm no longer going to try to put myself into a box, so that I can feel that I belong to something by having a particular label attached to me. Instead, I'll analyze things when I need to and accept the things that have not changed, will not change, are never going to change, because I finally understand that that is all you can do. 

3) Felt damn useful.

As compared to the past few years where I have felt very dependent on others. Now, there are people who have learned to depend on me for things. And it feels damn good to be needed. 

4) Learned to control my temper/anger

For most of my life I have had ZERO temper. I wouldn't ever get mad about anything, just sad. Then within the past few years I somehow found my voice and learned to shout back when someone was unfair to me. However, the cost of this was that I now discovered how angry I could become.

And I hate being angry. 

It is the ugliest, blackest, cruelest feeling in the world and I really don't like what I say out of anger.

So, now I am learning from my younger self and am beginning to reign in some of that temper. I will still get mad when I feel I am in the right, but when people try to bait me I will ignore it. 

Sometimes it's nice to feel above things, you know?

5) I don't need no stinking romance!

I think this is the first year I didn't feel like I needed to date someone. If I did happen to go on a date, it was fine, but I didn't need to. 

Is this independence or early prep for a long life filled with cats???

6) I am in control.

2012 was also the year I discovered The Secret and holy shit has that changed SO much.

7) Personality > solitude

I definitely embraced the fact that my personality is a little bit weird and quirky, but that is a good thing. I no longer feel worried about saying the wrong thing around people. Instead, I feel completely at ease having conversations with people I don't know very well.

8) Life will always give what you need it to.

I lost a lot in 2011. 2012 gave back all that it could. Some things are irreplaceable, but that just makes you more grateful you had it, even if for only a little while.

9) Family is forever.

Okay, so I've always known this, but this year it really hit home when something very traumatic happened and it was family that reached out on an ASTOUNDING level. We are now much closer than we've been in years. And it feels good.

10) THERE IS KINDNESS IN THIS WORLD!

I totally gave up on this one, but then when that traumatic thing happened, it wasn't just family that reached out. I am extremely blessed for all the people that have graced my life in 2012. I hope to know them for many more years.

11) Letting go of the past.

This is still a minor work in progress. I've mostly let go of the big stuff, things that were clouding my mind and my feelings about certain things/people. I've learned that forgiveness feels good because it helps you move on.

And as for the things I'm still holding onto? 

I'll let go of those, too, over time.

12) How to bounce back.

Are you gonna lay down every time someone pushes you over, are or you gonna brace yourself and push back?

I've learned how to fight and how to go down fighting if there's now way else but to fall. This has been the most important lesson, because every single year of my life before this one I have played the victim. And now, I am the fighter. 

And fucking hell it feels good.



I hope 2012 has been as incredible for everyone as it has been for me. And I know 2013 will be So. Much. Better!!!

Bye sweets. <3