Friday Fashion statement

Posted fashionably late. 

 (lol my feet look fat and awkward)

Okay, so it wasn't really a fashion statement, I just got the socks and shoes recently and loved them soooo much I decided to wear them together.

BIG MISTAKE!

The socks were too thick for the shoes, so my toes were really cramped. Fucking hell.

On the bright side, I'm in love with those flats. They look like the younger sibling of Dorothy's Ruby Red slippers. <333

Also, why yes that is a picture posted on my blog that I took myself. 

How?

I GOT MY NEW PHONE!!! And I have no regrets for forking over $148 for the LG Motion. It is SUPERB.

I've only had it a couple of days now, but I can sense that I will be heavily addicted to the new apps I've gotten

Getting the phone was another story altogether, which I'll talk about eventually.

I'm pretty happy to get to blog more about... well, everything, but to actually include pictures!!! 

I'm even considering being more social and going to random events just for blog fodder, haha. 

Good times are coming, which is nice because 2013 has been INSANELY eventful. Ugh.

But hey, at least I no longer feel like my life is dull. Right now, it's anything but.

Bye sweets. <3

And in case you were wondering if my incredibly pudgy fingers get in the way of typing on the touch screen, the answer is yes. Unfortunately.

Good News

(Didn't get around to posting this before.)

I feel as though with every passing day I am closer to becoming my favorite version of myself.

I used to be more kind, more patient, more forgiving, more open, less judgmental and generally all around better (apart from all my emo bs… but that’s a different story).

Over time, I’ve grown harder. I don’t let people in easily. I can tell my cautious nature puts people off and makes them think I’m some sort of bully or mean girl. But honestly, I got hurt in the past by people because I was too trusting. Now, I want to be sure a person is worth it before I let them get under my skin.

It’s rational, yes, but I don’t like that I give off this off putting vibe to others. 

The up side is, people who have been there for me for nearly my whole life and who I know I can trust, view me in a positive light. I know I am truly loved and I love these people with all of my heart.

Maybe that’s another reason why I hesitate to let anyone in. 

I already have so many incredible and amazing people in my life who I am so so so thankful for. I feel greedy for seeking out more. And I think I worry I won’t have time for everyone if I keep letting people in.

Another thing that’s happened is I’ve become more selfish, but not with everything. I don’t mind sharing certain things and with certain people, I’ll share anything. 

But if it’s someone I don’t know as well, regardless of how trustworthy someone else thinks that person is or even if we’re distant relatives, I will still struggle with sharing with them ESPECIALLY if it is something that is not easily/inexpensively replaced.

Unfortunately, this makes people think I am very stingy. I guess I kind of am, but I think it’s a rational reaction. Who feels comfortable sharing something like a computer or even living space (yes, this has come up…. fucking hell) with someone they don’t know well? 

No one. 

Even if that person is blood related it will be awkward. 

I have, however, learned how to be less paranoid. Which has made me more trusting of people I now know I should never have doubted in the first place. 

This is improvement.

I dunno, I guess it’s human nature to always feel there are parts of ourselves that we can improve upon. But I do admit that I miss being younger and less aware of the more serious things around me and more optimistic of the people that have come into my life.

The fact, though, that I can recognize what is lacking in myself and not only want to change, but to begin to change is something I sincerely value. I really am growing up and it’s not a bad thing.

And that, my friends, is definitely good news. 

Bye sweets. <3

Less than 2 Hours and Counting...

and then HELLO 2013!

May I just say that I am very happy the world didn't end?

What I want to do now is make a Top 12 Lessons of 2012 list. I'm currently drinking in preparation of the New Year's ball drop, so please excuse me if I occasionally don't make any sense at all. 

Now... here we go.

1) Finally growing up.

2012 was the year I finally started getting my act as an adult together. Up until then I was still desperately trying to hang onto my youth. Now, I'm getting ready to make a huge move (fingers crossed!) and I have learned that it is not a bad thing to put yourself first sometimes. In fact, I'll be doing that quite often soon enough considering I'll be on my own for the first time in 24 years. 

Fucking hell.

...I'm excited.

2) I don't have to be anything.

I'm no longer going to try to put myself into a box, so that I can feel that I belong to something by having a particular label attached to me. Instead, I'll analyze things when I need to and accept the things that have not changed, will not change, are never going to change, because I finally understand that that is all you can do. 

3) Felt damn useful.

As compared to the past few years where I have felt very dependent on others. Now, there are people who have learned to depend on me for things. And it feels damn good to be needed. 

4) Learned to control my temper/anger

For most of my life I have had ZERO temper. I wouldn't ever get mad about anything, just sad. Then within the past few years I somehow found my voice and learned to shout back when someone was unfair to me. However, the cost of this was that I now discovered how angry I could become.

And I hate being angry. 

It is the ugliest, blackest, cruelest feeling in the world and I really don't like what I say out of anger.

So, now I am learning from my younger self and am beginning to reign in some of that temper. I will still get mad when I feel I am in the right, but when people try to bait me I will ignore it. 

Sometimes it's nice to feel above things, you know?

5) I don't need no stinking romance!

I think this is the first year I didn't feel like I needed to date someone. If I did happen to go on a date, it was fine, but I didn't need to. 

Is this independence or early prep for a long life filled with cats???

6) I am in control.

2012 was also the year I discovered The Secret and holy shit has that changed SO much.

7) Personality > solitude

I definitely embraced the fact that my personality is a little bit weird and quirky, but that is a good thing. I no longer feel worried about saying the wrong thing around people. Instead, I feel completely at ease having conversations with people I don't know very well.

8) Life will always give what you need it to.

I lost a lot in 2011. 2012 gave back all that it could. Some things are irreplaceable, but that just makes you more grateful you had it, even if for only a little while.

9) Family is forever.

Okay, so I've always known this, but this year it really hit home when something very traumatic happened and it was family that reached out on an ASTOUNDING level. We are now much closer than we've been in years. And it feels good.

10) THERE IS KINDNESS IN THIS WORLD!

I totally gave up on this one, but then when that traumatic thing happened, it wasn't just family that reached out. I am extremely blessed for all the people that have graced my life in 2012. I hope to know them for many more years.

11) Letting go of the past.

This is still a minor work in progress. I've mostly let go of the big stuff, things that were clouding my mind and my feelings about certain things/people. I've learned that forgiveness feels good because it helps you move on.

And as for the things I'm still holding onto? 

I'll let go of those, too, over time.

12) How to bounce back.

Are you gonna lay down every time someone pushes you over, are or you gonna brace yourself and push back?

I've learned how to fight and how to go down fighting if there's now way else but to fall. This has been the most important lesson, because every single year of my life before this one I have played the victim. And now, I am the fighter. 

And fucking hell it feels good.



I hope 2012 has been as incredible for everyone as it has been for me. And I know 2013 will be So. Much. Better!!!

Bye sweets. <3

In Another Life We Were Superheroes

Had a fun conversation the other day with someone I feel will always be a part of my life. We played a questions game and because I clear out my texts every couple of weeks, I wanted a place to save it. 

Warning: Some of these questions (and answers) are incredibly random.

(This conversation started at 2:23 in the morning, so sleep deprivation may have played a role in some of our answers/questions.)

Me: Favorite Beatle?
K: Lennon or Harrison. You?
Me: Ringoooo. Okay really it’s Lennon, but Ringo had the best name. Song you want played at your funeral.
K: Spirit in the sky and here comes the sun. You? Biggest turn off?
Me: Hmm it’s a tie between dishonesty and narcissism. Aaand my funeral song would be… Send me on my way and What A Wonderful World/Somewhere Over The Rainbow by  that Hawaiian guy.
Me: Your biggest turn off?
K: Ignorance and egocentricism
Me: Is there something you want to change about yourself OR is there a part of yourself you feel you’ve left behind and want to regain?
K: I’d like to regain my athleticism and I wish I would’ve stuck with piano. You?
Me: I want to be as accepting and forgiving as I was eleven years ago. I just remember being so much more optimistic and kind. And now I’m very guarded and wary of others.
K: Yeah, I feel ya. I feel like I’ve become more cynical with age.
Me: It’s probably just normal to feel like that… Like a growing up thing. But it sucks how jaded a person can get over time.
K: Biggest stereotype you feel you fulfill.
Me: The whole ‘women are bad drivers’ thing, though in my case I suck at parking. Lol I’m just not patient enough to straighten out the car when it’s crooked and FUCK parallel parking, man.
Me: Your stereotype?
K: Lol I fill that one as well. I guess my career path is somewhat stereotypical being a woman and going into nursing. I guess at times I can find myself filling the stereotype of being a snobby and or unassertive white girl.
Me: Is there anyone you wish were still part of your life OR a relationship/friendship you feel you gave up on too soon?
Me: Snobby? You? I don’t see it.
K: Well, you obviously, like in that we got to see each other. But otherwise I think that I have kept the people in my life that I wanted to. Some I wish I had never bothered with like *censored*.
K: Yeah, I don’t know. I’m a little spoiled and find myself thinking snobby things.
K: Best sex of your life so far?
*both answers censored LOL*
K: Saddest song and happiest song
K: It’s a hard one, but I’m thinking one of the more heartbreaking ones for me is Either Way by Guster and the most fun for me is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.
(and then I fell asleep on her LOL. It was nearly 4 in the morning, though, fucking hell. I did answer the question the next day.)
Me: Saddest song: Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross. Happiest song is a tie: Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog by CCR and Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.
*skips all the weird/too personal questions*
Me: Materialistic thing you couldn’t live without.
K: Ugh. It’s cliché but my cell. 
Me: For me it’s perfume. I have waaay more bottles of perfume and body sprays than is needed. 
Me: If your life could become a movie, which would it be and why? 
K: Dazed and Confused because I’m a stoner and like to party. It’d be awesome to live in that movie because it’s set in the 60s and the soundtrack is dank and there are a few actors I’d definitely do. (LOL!) You?
Me: The movie I’d pick is Almost Famous, cause I’d get to do what I love (writing) in the muthafricken 70s and listen to good music while driving around in a tour bus… Oh and meet Ziggy Stardust. Good stuff.


I love when we play the questions game. And I’m sorry if this might’ve dragged on a bit or was boring. But I haven’t had a good conversation with her in a long time and it was nice to know that our connection is still there. <33333

Bye sweets.<3

Post Script

Almost forgot!

Woke up to this this morning:

Caption read: What you could be waking up to.

Usually I get annoyed when strangers accidentally text me.

Today, I didn't mind.

Bye sweets. <3

Lola, the Pseudo-intellectual

This is about as philosophical as I get.

Back when I was torn between getting a new digital camera or holding off and using the money for a smartphone, I started thinking about how crazy fast phones have started gaining ground on electronics we once looked at as staples in our lives.

For example, I know so many people who have moved out on their own months ago and still don’t have a TV. 

Why? 

Because they have a laptop. 

Thanks to Hulu, Netflix, Amazon and Youtube (as well as lots of other sites) if you have a laptop and internet YOU DON’T NEED A TV!

I remember when I was younger and I couldn't imagine life without my morning cartoons or 90’s Nick/Disney. Now, I barely bother to watch TV, cause I know if I miss something I can always watch it later online. Usually with fewer/no commercials. 

Computer makers probably thought: “Hell yes, we’re unstoppable!”

…Until the smartphone came along all “Bring it, bitches.” Which led to a major Fucking Hell moment for the computer makers.

Thanks to smartphones you don’t even need laptops as much anymore, cause now you can do so much on just your phone. Also… Ipad, Kindle Fire, AND  Windows Surface… Yea… suck on that laptops.

Electronic companies (except maybe Apple) must feel so stressed having to constantly watch out for not only their competitors who produce the same products, but also different products altogether that can do what their product can, except they have better features, are more compact (which makes them easier to take around) and usually have more visual appeal. TV companies must be shitting bricks.

After having nothing else to do one night but ponder this, I came to the conclusion that it’s only a matter of time before something we once considered to be a staple becomes obsolete. The big three are TVs,  laptops and smartphones. 

I asked myself, out of the big three, which will become obsolete first?

Prior to writing this I was completely stumped, but now I feel it will most likely be the TV. 

You can’t carry it around (unless you have one of those old-fashioned ones with the handle on top), you have to pay a lot for one with good video quality and all the new bangs & whistles AND for a cable/satellite provider which can be stressful depending on who you pick, and there are just too many products that can do everything the TV can.

(When I wrote this, my sister who moved out recently only had her laptop and used that for watching her favorite shows. When I went back the other day, she had gotten a TV along with a living room set. I asked, “Why the expensive TV when your laptop was just fine?” She said, “First of all the TV is from rent-a-center, so it’s not actually expensive and second of all, it makes the living room look complete.” LOL So, I guess TVs could get a second wind simply because they look good in a home?)

I don’t think it’s gonna happen any time soon. Possibly over the next 50 years or so.

That is, unless the TV companies come up with something really kick ass, like hologram TV shows that let the viewer become part of their favorite show.

That would be pretty damn cool, huh?

Bye sweets. <3

P.S. Just realized this marks the last of the blogs I had saved on my computer. Now I have to actually put in work... fucking hell.

UGHHHH!

I hate having to call any government anything, because rather than settling my issue promptly, I get to spend twenty minutes dealing with an INCOMPETENT MACHINE!

*beats head on wall*

Fucking hell.

Never did I think I'd miss the day of hearing an actual person answer the phone. 

Honestly, of all the things we gave up in favor of smart technology, human beings answering phones should not have been one of them.

Bye sweets. <3